that homey feeling

So now I have ticket in my hand. Am going home, after (only) two months away, working in Bali. It wasn’t my intention, so can’t really say I bought this tix coz I feel homesick or something. Simply coz my cousin’s getting married, and he’s off to Germany on February so I may not see him for at least three years.

Sure wasn’t my plan, as I had not yet any plan to go home. Sort of testing myself how long I could stay away from home. It’s a silly test, I know, but worth finding out ;)

I know it will be good to see my family again (though mom’s out of town, and gonna miss her nephew’s wedding!), eat homemade cooking (can’t wait, sis!), meet up with old pals, watching silly South Park cartoon (strange, yet hilarious) and play with the dog which I’m sure isn’t a puppy anymore.

It’s gonna be a short visit, and not sure exactly when I’m going back. Haven’t decide and haven’t got return tix. Hey, if I feel at home more and don't think I wanna go back, I might just email my boss my resignation...

*tongue in cheek*

Porn VS. Hate

Life is a risk.

Even joining a mailing list comes with some risks, as harmless as getting unwanted emails. Harmless or not, will be decided case by case I guess.

The other day someone forwarded a link that contains lots of hate messages (which I think was not exactly a creative thumb sucking conspiracy theory written by someone who has a lot of time in his/her hands), which pretty soon ignited debate among some of the members. A couple of days after that another member forwarded an email that contained pornographic pictures (which I don’t think I need to be graphic here). Interesting enough this didn’t raise anything until a female member sent a complaint.

It’s a bit tricky to make the comparison.
porn vs. hate message
pic vs. text

Each combination has different impact on each person, but I would argue that pictures at a certain level are more damaging. Pictures are quicker to absorb, and stay longer in our memory. This is where pictures are more effective, where people don’t get any warning of what is about to be presented, they lost control of what they’re about to view. Upon viewing unwanted pics, some people would complain, yet ironically the head doesn’t easily undo nor erase what they have just viewed.

Texts need longer to absorb (and some people are either don’t have time to read them or too lazy to read the complete article would just ignore it), yet when it has internalized it would create a potentially bigger damage.

So I guess the best way to deal with this is to carefully set aside what is damaging and what is not. When you think a message or some pics are not worth reading or even damaging, you might as well stop it there and stop yourself from hitting the “forward” button. If you’re about to warn or edify others, it would be fair that you notify the content in your subject.

As to avoid the risk of receiving unwanted emails, one could just unsubscribe from any mailing list, of course with the consequence of missing information that could actually be useful.

Ok, that’s it. Enough with netiquette :p

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers
and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true,
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day,
and if you can source your life from God's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me to know who you are or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand with me in the center of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

anon.

a ride with a view

The view slightly changes...

the fresh green paddies that are usually there when I pass every morning and late afternoon after work aren't there anymore. They're chopped down. Harvested. Time for the petanis to enjoy their hard work.

In some compartments the chopped paddies are still there, in some others all were weeded out and in the rest waters flooded it. All in the process of preparing the field to be planted again. Not particularly a beautiful sight, but I don't think I'd ever get tired of looking far... far beyond the horizon.

Maybe, just maybe, I could get my 'own' view. Well, not a rush decision. Maybe after next month. This kind of change will definitely come with different consequences, but that's something I have to think through.

As for right now, I'm enjoying what I have.
:)

open letter to djakarta!

Dear djakarta!,

Congratulations on the “nu look” of djakarta! It didn’t take long to metamorphose yourself from a magz that present the all faces of Jakarta into an upper class cum yuppies lifestyle magz. Jakarta just needs more of that.

It’s so fascinating to see a thorough coverage of endless night lives (hey, you’ll never run out, there’s always new hot clubs to check out!) & the blue feature definitely offers luscious young bodies luring men (some women also?). Don’t bother bad hair, who wants to see hair on top of naked bodies??

I even got ideas, why not add relationship self help tips, or even sex columns? Hmm that sure is alluring, and Jakartans can’t have enough of FHM or Cosmopolitanesque magz. ;)

The truth is, it sucks! The only thing left to read are the columns. What you deliberately left out are unfortunately the ones I used to learn from (remember my fax 3-4 months ago saying djakarta! satu-satunya majalah wajib beli?)

I guess the market rules and “sex sells” is proven true. While the rest of its content are no longer relevant (moved to Bali 3 months ago), I might as well bid farewell. So dear folks, Congrats & TTFN!

former subscriber,

the Forgiving business

To forgive and forget.

Both are like the two sides of a coin. Without one, it's incomplete. What we rarely taught is how to deal or respond to apologies. I think the ideal respond would be accepting it. An accepting gesture with a sincere forgiving tone, look and no “buts”.

I think we learn our best from parents & most parents I know have this patronizing attitude. Yes, they mean well & it shows that they want their children to keep improving and to be a better person. But as you get older it gets weary.

Say you did/say something awful and you regretted it. At times your pride forbids you from admitting, let alone apologizing. But as you get older you realize pride will get you nowhere and you just want to make peace. So you come to your parent(s), apologize and surprise…(!) you receive free lengthy lecture (nagging would be the right word, don’t you think?) over that matter.

You got two choices: to shot back, argue which not necessarily settled the problem, if not raising another issue, or to keep quiet and let mom/dad vent (this goes with other people, of course). At times I would keep quiet and leave when they finish, but something kept hanging on my head.. does it mean I’m forgiven or not? For one thing, I don’t need no nagging (especially not at this age, fercryingoutloud!!), so what’s the use of hearing some mindless nag (yes, angry people are usually mindless) but I didn’t get what I came for, forgiveness.

So at times I don’t know how to deal with this. Just recently I shot someone in an sms message. At the end of the day, as I was mulling over what I did the whole day I remembered about this and sent an sms apologizing. The reply, was “I’m not mad, just make sure your anger doesn’t hold ‘til the sun go down”. Nice, biblical, but am I forgiven???

Maybe I could pursue the subject, but….? Ohwell, I’ve made my peace by assuring that I’ve asked for forgiveness, if they don’t forgive me, then it’s their problem. I know God has.

letter from home

da... i attached the picture of the monkey :P
i never call him socks.
and he ain't cute anymore..

yesterday mom got so angry.. he ruined the last flower pot in the house. And that flower was given by one of mom's friend. Bro smack the dog.. well.. i surely can't do that.. so i hid him inside my room.

Last december the doggy got ill..
he got fever, have no appetite. i gave him antibiotics injection 4 times. he didn't reject it (maybe have no power to fight back). I have no time to feed him. Bro wrote a check list in the whiteboard to remind people in the house to feed him. Poor dog...

I also attach my pic with jerry.. we are happy playing games in your room :P
everyday Tipski slept there..that's the only roomwhere the dog never enter. Tipski forbid it.

ps. monkey refers to doggy.
pps. still no luck uploading pics
ppps. i've no idea how to reply. it's sad yet funny.

in map we trust (???)

I've never gotten lost so often in my entire life!! At first I'd never admit I got lost, I'd say I took a detour. For example, I went to Ubud three times, and I never took the same road back and forth. Twice I had a map with me, once I completely depended on my guts and lucky to find my way. Those "detours" were ok coz I really wanna familiarize myself with the whole area.

So eventually I ran out of luck, my guts gotten weak, and I had to admit "I got lost". It's not just any other night either, it was on New Year's Eve!! With a group of friends from the office I went to a chinese fusion resto in the Seminyak area. Dinner was so-so, at least the owner mixed some free drinks for the countdown.

Anyway, back to the lost story. We left around 2.30, I had to drop off a friend who live in Kuta area. That took an hour (thanks to the packed street). Leaving her home I only got directions how to go to the main road. Gee.. some friend!!

Yes, I was totally tired and sleepy, but I had to stay alert for my own sake (not to worry about other people as I didn't drink much). I know Bali isn't that big, especially Kuta and Denpasar, so it should be wasy to memorize the sreets. But the problem's I'm too lazy to memorize it, especially when I always had someone to give me directions. Besides, I came to work in an office, so my exploring time is limited. Different story if I came to be a cab driver :p

So I just drove away, with no sense of where I was going... The streets were dead, nobody was around to ask for direction. It got really helpless when I had to decide which turn to make on a crossroad. Then I slowed down and this motorbike driver slowed down too and stopped next to the car. Suspicious, but I had to find out. He pointed out right and attempted something. I didn't wanna find out more and hurriedly made my exit without being rude. I mean it was 3 am on an empty road. God knows what could happen. In my case, thankfully nothing.

So there I drove again and felt relieved to find a familiar neighborhood. Therefore I resolved: I should get a map!!! Will consider it as a new year's gift. Been thinking about getting one, but the uncertainties held me. Ok, that's not exactly a self improving resolution, but in a way it is. When I get one I could stop depending on my friends, I could just look up in the map. Hmm.. still doesn't sound right - LOL.

So, that was quite an adventure. Got lost on early dawn 2005? Seems like a promising year, don't you think??
(^_^)

++ This year, I will be more of an optimistic person

-- You've never been an optimistic person

++ No, but I am optimistic that my optimism will increase this year

-- I have my doubts

++ It wouldn't hurt you to be a little more optimistic about my optimism for my future increase of optimism

-- Ok, I'll try
[TC]